Meditating With Your Children:
Relaxation, Open
Communication, Creativity,
and Fun for the Family!
©by Yanni Maniates
First and foremost, it is through meditation that we can nourish in our children a sense that they are never alone, that they are always in loving company, and that they can always find an embracing feeling in their hearts. As a parent, this is, from my point of view, the most precious gift we can bestow upon our children and the foundation upon which "living well" can then become the prevailing note of their lives.
As well as instilling a feeling of love and well-being in our children, meditation has many practical benefits. Meditation can help your children sleep better; develop better concentration skills, which can result in improved school performance; enhance their creativity and self-image; and help them to learn how to quiet themselves and deal better with their anxieties.
In addition, teaching our children how to meditate creates a wonderful way to both ignite, rekindle and/or deepen our own practice of meditation. As well, because meditation helps us to relax and open up our hearts, it allows us to spend real "quality time" with our children, rekindling and/or deepening our relationship with them.
So, how can we begin to introduce this precious gift of meditation to our children? First of all, introduce meditation as a fun, joyful time for the whole family, as an opportunity to be relaxed, creative, and spontaneous together. Second, it is very important to develop a regular practice and to make it a natural, integral part of the day. So, set aside a specific time when the whole family can regularly meditate (such as after dinner or just before bed) and pick a quiet room where everyone can sit on chairs or pillows comfortably. Do it consistently and joyfully, starting off with just a few times a week, then gradually building up to doing it daily.
Remember though, that in any situation, getting a child to cooperate is not always the easiest thing to do; but, as in other things, by being consistent in your own meditation practice and lovingly persistent with your child, most children will eagerly join in. If on any particular day a child is unwilling to meditate, give her/him the choice of doing another quiet activity. Eventually, you will see that they will choose to meditate, more often than not.
Note, too, that the regular daily family time for meditation can be extended to include time for sharing feelings and ideas and for ironing out problems and developing trust. After meditating, you will be surprised at how much easier it is to express oneself sensitively and openly and how much less complicated it is to find a solution to a family "problem."
What follows is a brief outline of how to introduce meditation to children of different age groups.
For infants to three year olds, the primary goal is to get them to learn how to sit still. We can do this by sitting quietly with them for a few minutes and just tuning into our breath or into them with no other thoughts, no other distractions. By doing so, just for a few moments, we are helping them experience a quiet, peaceful time with us. Our goal here is simply to model a time of quiet for them.
Even as they get more active and pass through the "terrible twos," we can still spend a few moments with them teaching them how to be quiet. Most children can handle one or two minutes of quiet time at this age. Chanting AUM or just listening to or singing a soothing lullaby with them can be a great way to introduce quiet time to a child. My wife and I do this with our two year old and he looks forward to it every night.
When your child reaches the age of three, you can begin to introduce actual meditation exercises and even expect them to stay focused for a few minutes--even one minute is enough. The child can be taught to chant "Aum" with you or perhaps chant the name of a religious figure. As well, he/she can be led through the following exercise:
Have the child sit cross-legged or in a chair with their back comfortably erect. Have them close their eyes and breathe in and out through their nose slowly, counting to four on the in and on the out breath. Have them take about ten breaths like this. Then have them imagine that they are safely floating on an emerald green lake in a light blue boat on a stack of cream-colored pillows. On each inhalation the boat rises slightly and on each exhalation it falls ever so gently. Have them coordinate their breathing with the image and sensation of floating in the boat.
Start with a minute of
this exercise and gradually build to a few minutes. If the child is very
tense on a particular day, have them first tense and release different parts
of their body beginning with the face and then moving down to the toes. Then
do the above meditation.
For children six to ten years of age, more
self-discipline can be expected. After some practice, they can be expected
to meditate at least five to ten minutes a day, but please do not force
anything on them. The following concentration exercises are appropriate for
children in this age group. Use what I offer as a guideline for what they
can do, and then use your own creativity to come up with a variety of other
fun things that your children might enjoy. Have the child concentrate on a
watch or clock with a second hand and have him focus on the dial going
around the clock. Instruct him not to let anything distract him--any noises, thoughts, etc. See how long he can do it. Even keep a progress
chart. The same exercise can be done by looking at a candle flame, a flower,
etc.
As well, you can do an exercise that is a extension of
the lake relaxation one above. After the child has become relaxed by doing
the floating in the boat exercise, have her now imagine that she is barefoot
at the top of a staircase. The staircase is thickly carpeted in a color of
her choice. Have her begin by putting one foot down after the other as you
slowly count her down
10.....9.....8.....7.....6.....5.....4.....3.....2.....1. Now at the
bottom of the staircase there is a door. When she opens the door and walks
inside, she walks inside her heart. Have her explore what it feels like to
be in her heart, physically, and then, emotionally. Then have her ask her
heart a question, internally–not out loud. Then give her a moment or two to
listen for an answer. Then
gradually bring her out of the meditation by having her become aware first
of her feet, then her arms, and finally her head. If she would like, have
her discuss her experience and feelings. With all these exercises you can
play some calm background music, if you wish.
For children eleven to fifteen years of age their minds
are really beginning to develop as is their ability to truly reason and
discriminate. They are capable of longer periods of concentration depending
on how adjusted and emotionally balanced they are. For most, this is a very
turbulent period. Spending "quality time" with them is a paramount
importance during this time in their lives. Try the following meditation
with them.
Begin by having them do the breathing and lake relaxation exercise. Then lead them in this tree meditation: Imagine you are a tree, you are one with a tree. Feel that you are deep inside the center of a tree, the tree is your body. How does it feel? (pause) .... Now feel your roots going deep into the earth (pause) ...., now feel the bark as part of your body (pause)...., now feel the sap running through you (pause) ...., now feel all of the branches as part of you (pause) ...., now feel all leaves as part of you (pause)...., now feel the breeze gently rustling your leaves and the sun warming you (pause)...., now feel a bird's nest in your branches (pause).... Feel all of this life running through you and around you (pause).....
Then slowly bring them
out of the meditation as above. You can do similar exercises with the wind,
water, fire, a bird, the soil, a flower, etc. This exercise can last any
where from five to fifteen minutes.
After this, discuss their experience with them and
their feelings about it. Let the discussion be free flowing. Children older
than fifteen can be lead in the same meditation exercises
that adults do.
So, it is easy to begin to incorporate meditation into
your family life. It does not take up too much time, and it gives you
something to focus on in your "quality time" with your children. Be assured,
meditation will deepen the trust and openness of your relationship with your
children, and it will help them enormously in developing greater
self-reliance, creativity, happiness, self-awareness, health, and a
stronger, more positive self-image. It will also help them be more in touch
with their feelings and know how to most appropriately express them. And,
finally, meditating with your children will bestow these same "gifts" upon
you. So, why not begin today?
By meditating with our children we help them to see the
world through their own eyes and to experience it with their own hearts. In
this way, we are teaching them to live their lives fully. We are teaching
them to truly come to "know themselves" and to be true to themselves. By
doing so, we are cultivating many precious "gifts" and skills within our
children and are, in so doing, "teaching them well!"
Yanni Maniates
The Life Mastery Institute
Be free, joyful, and nourished.
520 Stevens Road, Morrisville, PA 19067
(215) 295-5444
